So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
