Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
