We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
