i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
