I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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