is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
