I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
