I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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