I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize