Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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