You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
