Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
