Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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