did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
