Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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