i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
bring money and cleavage
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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