if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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