Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
