remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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