the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
