I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
