I'm jealous of your bromance
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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