is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
