Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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