drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I wear drunk well.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
