You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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