My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
