I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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