There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
