Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
