get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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