We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you didnt know i had herpes?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize