this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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