At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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