god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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