He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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