the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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