I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
did you just send me my own nude
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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