how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
