someone threw a dead crab at me
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
