She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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