My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize