Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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