Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
