My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
