hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
