i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
farters have to be the big spoon...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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