im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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