She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
