Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
