I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize