I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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