There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
