Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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