I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
my nose is crying tears of wow.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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