her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
