I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it hurts more in the daytime
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
