If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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