They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My dick has a subreddit
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
