no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
