I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
