my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
