OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
