how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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