I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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