Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
