My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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