How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
