saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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