The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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