i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
