How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I looked at my own cervix.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize